Bumper Stickers We'd Just Love To See...

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

Thank You For Pot Smoking.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off (Motorcycle)

Remember Folks:  Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like

Jabba The Hut?

Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

Ax Me About Ebonics

Boldly Going Nowhere

Cat: The Other White Meat

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

Illiterate? Write For Help

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you-:)
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
Grow your own dope, plant a man
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
If you can read this, please flip me back over...
(seen upside down, on a Jeep)
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
Boldly going nowhere
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
The proctologist called, they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Just because your head is pointed, doesn't mean you're sharp.
Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?
Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you.
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
Born free...Taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No radio - Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
If you were to spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would completely cover the entire Sahara Desert.
Drink your Coffee! There are people in India sleeping.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
I have friends who swear they dream in color...but I tell them it's just a pigment of their imagination.
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Department of Redundancy Department
90% of all statistics are made up.
"If the shoe fits, buy it." Imelda Marcos
It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.
KARAOKE is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.
Clones are people two.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Geez if you believe in honkus.
Graduate Of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling.
Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back!
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.