Politically Correct

Politically Correct Ways To Speak About Men
1.  He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2.  He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
3.  He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
4.  He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
5.  He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
6.  He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
7.  He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

Politically Correct Ways To Speak About Women
1.   She is not a babe or a chick - she is a breasted-american.
2.   She is not a bleached blonde - she is peroxide dependent.
3.   She is not a bad cook - she is microwave compatible.
4.   She is not half naked - she is wardrobe impaired.
5.   She does not wear too much jewelry - she is metallically overburdened.
6.   She is not conceited - she is intimately aware of her best qualities.
7.   She does not want to be married - she wants to lock you in domestic incarceration.
8.   She does not gain weight - she is a metabolic underachiever.
9.   She is not a screamer or moaner - she is vocally appreciative.
10. She is not easy - she is horizontally accessible.
11. She does not tease or flirt - she engages in artificial stimulation.
12. She is not dumb - she is a detour off the information superhighway.
13. She is not too skinny - she is skeletally prominent.
14. She does not have a mustache - she is in touch with her masculine side.
15. She does not hate televised sports - she is athletically ignorant.
16. She has not been around - she is a previously enjoyed companion.
17. She does not wear too much perfume - she commits fragrance abuse.
18. She does not get you excited - she causes temporary blood displacement.
19. She is not kinky - she is a non-inhibited sexual companion. 
20. She does not have a killer body - she is terminally attractive.
21. She does not go shopping - she is mall fluent.
22. She is not an airhead - she is reality impaired.
23. She does not get drunk or tipsy - she gets chemically inconvenienced.
24. She does not get fat or chubby - she achieves maximum density.
25. She is not cold or frigid - she is thermally inaccessible.
26. She is not horny - she is sexually focused.
27. She does not wear too much makeup - she has reached cosmetic saturation.
28. She does not have breast implants - she is gravity resistant.
29. She does not nag you - she becomes verbally repetitive
30. she is not a slut - she is sexually extroverted.
31. She is not loose - she is morally impaired.
32. She does not have major league hooters - she is pectorally superior.
33. She does not have thin lips - she is has a collagen deprivation.

Politically Correct Ways To Speak About Teenagers
1.  No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired." 
2.  You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed." 
3.  Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." 
4.  These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined." 
5.  Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive." 
6.  Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." 
7.  Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience." 
8.  You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

Politically Correct Ways To Speak About School
1.   No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
2.   You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
3.   Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
4.   These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
5.   Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
6.   Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
7.   Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
8.   You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
9.   You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
10. You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
11. You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
12. No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
13. You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
14. You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
15. You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
16. You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
17. It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
18. The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."